


with you i serve, with you i fall down.

by mayaetienne



Series: epiphany [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Family, Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, Not Canon Compliant, Texting, but the author wishes it was, does it qualify as angst? well it now does, give it to us marvel GIVE IT TO US, i dare ya, kind of, no beta we die like natasha, ok it's just really domestic blackhill, still terrible at tagging what's new, when i said non canon compliant i also meant natasha still dies in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26711938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayaetienne/pseuds/mayaetienne
Summary: i miss your lasagna. i miss real food.i don't understand.whatthere are 3 adults and none of them know how to put together a basic meal.oh we can cook basic meals. the question is whether they are good.how long do you think it'll take to send a cooking bookthe internet exists mariaand yet you still can't cook real food.:)read at 10:57pm, 7/30/2014.-the relationship of maria hill and natasha romanoff, seen through emails and texts, over the course of many years.
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Series: epiphany [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1953628
Comments: 12
Kudos: 75





	with you i serve, with you i fall down.

**Author's Note:**

> *picks up canon, throws it far far away* alright now that's done we can get started
> 
> texts in italics are natasha’s, one’s without are maria. text with strikethroughs are texts that were typed but were never sent.
> 
> sorry if the formatting is a lil off, i swear google docs and ao3 are plotting against me

Subject: Files

To: natasharomanoff@shield.org

We need you to send all the documents and files you have on yourself.

Maria Hill

Deputy Director | S.H.I.E.L.D

Email: mariahill@shield.org

Subject: Files

From: natasharomanoff@shield.org

Here's the files you wanted. 

_attached; birthcertifcate.pdf, redroomfiles.pdf, kgb.doc,_

Natasha.

* * *

Medical's been looking for you Romanoff.

_I know._

You can't avoid it forever.

_I know. Shield protocol and all that._

If you aren't going to medical then at least let me check you up. I'll be quick.

_Alright._

I'll be there in 2.

**_read 10:54pm, 3/21/2012._**

* * *

You ok?

 _Didn't know you were one for_ _wellbeing checks Hill._

Just wanted to check in. 

You can take a break you know.

 ** _read_** **_at 1:04am, 4/5/2012._**

* * *

_Bemelman’s Bar, 35 E, 76th Street, 8pm._

Outside.

_Nearly there._

**_read at 8:05pm, 6/8/2013._**

* * *

_You left your jacket at mine. I’ll bring it to your office today._

Thanks.

_Hey I’m getting takeout for lunch. Do you want some? It’s ramen._

I would kill for ramen right now. Thanks.

**_read at 12:05pm, 6/9/2013._**

* * *

I got locked out of my apartment, can I crash at yours for the night?

_Sure I won’t be home till 11, key’s under the mat._

Really Natasha?

_No one’s broken in yet._

God, I’m getting you better locks.

**_read at 9:02pm, 12/1/2013._**

* * *

_Tony wants you at the Avengers Christmas party._

Am I contractually obliged to?

_As Deputy Director of SHIELD? No._

_As my girlfriend? Yes._

Fine. Text me the details.

**_read at 1:04pm, 12/24/2013._ **

* * *

Fuck, did we do something stupid last night?

_I don’t think so. Why?_

Pepper just texted me saying “I’m so happy for you and Natasha.”

_Fuck._

**_read at 11:48am, 12/25/2013._**

* * *

_hey what do you think about this desk for our apartment?_

_[desk.jpg]_

I like it, but aren’t you meant to be working right now?

_hey, nicole coleman likes furniture shopping._

_ok, i’m buying it._

Only you would buy a desk whilst working undercover.

I’m making lasagne tonight, do you know when you’ll be home?

_just bought the desk, need to wrap things up._

_i’ll be home by 7:30pm._

**_read at 5:12pm, 3/30/2014._**

* * *

_lila and cooper really want to meet aunty maria._

I know you’re heading there today, I just got off. 

Pick me up in 20?

_great, see you then._

**_read at 10:41am, 4/5/2014._**

* * *

Please be safe with Steve and Sam. I love you.

**_read at 4:54pm, 5/28/2014._ **

* * *

Safe house: 181 Chapel Rd, Chapel Hill.

_thanks, we'll try not to destroy the place x_

**_read at 4:55am, 7/6/2014._**

* * *

anything you want from the apartment? coming down to visit you tomorrow.

_your leather jacket?_

romanoff you are not getting my fucking jacket. 

you will pry it off my dead body before you get it.

_fine._

_there's a box in the closet titled "important" + the brown leather jacket._

_also when you come down how much do i have to pay you to cook us dinner_

is it a cardboard box?

also nat you have 2302 leather jackets, you're gonna to be a little bit more specific

_yep, it's a cardboard box_.

 _the jacket i wore to our first date_.

ah got it.

please tell me you guys are eating dinner

_do microwave meals and instant ramen count?_

god. i'll make all of you dinner then.

thanks x

**_read at 7:27pm, 7/28/2014._**

* * *

hey i'm heading down now. any last minute items?

_no._

_side note: i don't think sam + steve know about us._

oh

_sorry, i meant to tell them._

it's fine

_if they ask any questions just answer them honestly._

_i think we can trust them._

_also can't wait for the look on steve's face_

alright. see you soon.

**_read at 9:55am, 7/29/2014._**

* * *

_[samstevefindingout.mov]_

_here you go._

how did you even record this??

_I have my ways maria, you should know this._

~~_i miss you_ ~~

_i miss your lasagna. i miss real food._

i don't understand.

_what_

there are 3 adults and none of them know how to put together a basic meal.

_oh we can cook basic meals. the question is whether they are good._

how long do you think it'll take to send a cooking book

_the internet exists maria_

and yet you still can't cook real food.

_:)_

**_read at 10:57pm, 7/30/2014._**

* * *

when are you coming home.

i miss you.

_i don't know._

_steve seems to be close, we're following up on a lead right now._

_i miss you too._

stay safe.

_when have i not been safe_

natasha

_yes ok fine just for my wife x_

thank you <3

**_read at 4:22pm, 3/17/2015._**

* * *

_happy birthday maria fucking hill, love of my life <3 i wish i was there to celebrate with you x _

thank you. wish you were here. would kill for pizza right now

_i ordered you pizza. check your door._

i didn't hear a bell ring?

_just check your god damn door maria i'm trying to be romantic_

**_read at 1:45pm, 4/4/2015._**

* * *

_how much would you hate me if i brought a cat home_

depends. is it cute?

_well. it's a little devil. but cute._

i'll allow it.

_good because we're already at the apartment._

_thoughts on names?_

well you did say it was a devil.. liho?

_welcome to the romanoff-hill family, liho._

**_read at 7:27pm, 9/8/2015._**

* * *

rumour has it that the un is making the avengers sign some accord.

_what for?_

it looks like if you sign, allows the un governmental body to control where/who you're allowed to fight and stuff like that.

_so restricting us?_

basically.

they'll probably drop it, it doesn't seem so popular with the nation's right now.

_hmm._

**_read at 2:46am, 1/19/2016._**

* * *

_do you think i should sign?_

it's up to you.

_maria._

i think there should be some control, 

or better yet, guidelines. but i don't think the sokovia accords is the best way.

but if you don't sign, you would be breaking a very big law.

_i agree._

_i think i have to sign._

_we just applied for adoption and i want to be able to spend the rest of my life with you._

_look if signing an accord is what it takes to be with you, to be happy with you, i'll do it. I'll do it a million times._

did not expect to be crying over a message at 3 in the morning.

i love you.

_love you too._

**_read at 3:05am, 6/8/2016._**

* * *

happy birthday natasha. 

me and liho miss you like crazy.

i don't know if you're even getting these messages.

**_undelivered, please retry._ **

hey please, call me if you get these. 

it's really important news.

please. it’s about the adoption.

**_undelivered, please retry._ **

we’re going to have a child nat. a child. i never thought i’d be able to say that.

i just wish i could say that to you to your face.

i love you.

**_undelivered, please retry._**

* * *

_[alisonromanoffhill.img]_

_here’s the pictures pepper took x_

thanks. she’s so fucking adorable

_don’t swear maria! our child will hear you_

…..

_:)_

**_read at 3:45pm, 1/5/2017._**

* * *

_so what do we think on alison’s 1st birthday party?_

a small get together would be nice. haven’t seen the avengers in a while.

_cool. i’ll tell stark._

don’t let him buy a thousand dollar toy for the baby please.

_will do maria x_

**_read at 12:08pm, 7/9/2017._**

* * *

_you here for christmas this year?_

it’s her first christmas. wouldn’t miss it for the world.

_can’t wait for our daughter to be spoiled with presents she does not need._

when one has pepper potts and tony stark as their godparents it’s probably expected.

_but he did give us that magical crib that lulls her to sleep_

that is the one thousand dollar item i will be willing to buy again.

**_read at 6:45pm, 12/20/17._**

* * *

_we promised each other that we wouldn’t walk out on each other maria._

_we fucking vowed to each other._

_you can’t just run off with fury at the sight on an alien invasion. we have a family now maria. a daughter._

oh i’m the one who’s running off?

which one of us ran off with steve for a whole year and never asked me beforehand?

_you knew i had to do that maria. you knew that when you fucking became my wife._

you ran off with steve for a year, i didn’t see you physically for 6 months natasha. 

i didn’t ask to be separated from my wife 6 fucking months natasha.

i’m only asking for a month with fury.

one month nat.

_let someone else save the world for once maria. please. for my sake. for our daughter’s sake._

**_read at 1:03am, 5/9/18._**

* * *

_maria. i’m sorry. please come back home._

**_delivered at 4:05am, 5/10/18._ **

_maria? i know your probably really busy dealing with the fact people are turning into dust. call me when you get this, and let me know if you and alison are safe._

**_delivered at 3:45pm, 5/10/18._ **

_fuck._

_fuck you universe._

_fuck you for taking my wife and kid away from me._

_fuck you._

**_delivered at 4:47am, 5/11/18._ **

_i will do anything to get you and alison back. anything for maria and alison romanoff-hill. anything for you._

**_delivered at 3:08pm, 6/8/18._ **

_i’m so lonely. i miss you so much. i miss alison so much. i miss when we both wouldn’t get a wink of sleep because she would keep us up all night. i miss your lasagna. i miss you teasing me on my inability to cook. i miss our family._

**_delivered at 11:55pm, 7/23/18._ **

_hi. steve thinks i should stop texting you. but i can’t. maria i don’t think i can. fuck. i took you and alison for granted. i was so selfish. maybe i should have let you save the world. maybe you would still be here. maybe we would be celebrating alison’s 2nd birthday, maybe i would have retired and lived out the rest of our lives out in the country. everyone keeps on asking the avengers what we should do. the truth is i don’t fucking know. tony and pepper have a kid now. crazy. everyone’s happy for them, naturally, but i feel so jealous. i lost my family, but they started one. of course it’s not like i can scream that to the world, people don’t even know we’re married, let alone have a kid. this is probably going to be my last text for a while. i love you._

**_delivered at 4:04pm, 9/1/18._ **

_it’s been a while since i texted. happy birthday maria. you are the best fucking wife anyone could ask for. i love you. don’t you ever forget that. natasha fucking romanoff-hill loves you._

**_delivered at 1:03am, 4/4/19._ **

_hey. long time no talk. i think i could get you back. get all of us back. time travelling. what a fucking ride. i can’t wait to see your face again and hug our daughter. see you then maria x_

**_delivered at 8:04am, 8/9/23._ **

_i’m in fucking space maria! space! i don’t know if you’ll get this message, not sure starkphones are that powerful. i don’t have long, but i don’t think i’ll see you again maria. i’m really sorry. but i need to do this. you may never forgive me, and that’s okay. just take care of alison. make sure she’s happy. show her some photos of me. and you? maria. be happy. don’t dwell on me too long. if you find someone else and you fall in love i’ll be okay. we’ll be okay maria. remember that i’ll always love you. i found love with you. i found myself with you. i love you so much. so fucking much. don’t you dare forget that._

**_read at 4:55pm, 8/15/23_ ** _._

never natasha. i’ll never forget you. say hi to tony for me. 

thank you for being the someone who saved the world. i love you.

**_delivered at 5:23pm, 8/15/23._ **

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i'll have you know it pained me to write the dates the american way. and yes their last convo together was a fight because JUST THINK ABOUT THE ANGST
> 
> yell with me about blackhill on twitter: @DIRECTORHILL


End file.
